


it took me two years but it was worth it

by Coconut_ThatOneFriend



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Jake Point of View, M/M, jake gets very sad near the end, pinning, pre-canon to canon to post-canon, rich gets very worried, that’s how mafia works, yes both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 15:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coconut_ThatOneFriend/pseuds/Coconut_ThatOneFriend
Summary: Jake always had feelings for Rich. But there were always platonic. Right?A.K.A. 5 times Jake had intense feelings for Rich and 1 time he realized they weren’t platonic.





	it took me two years but it was worth it

**_First day of sophomore year-beginning of the day_ **

Jake walked throughout the halls of Middleborough. It was his fifth year there, and almost everyone knew his name. The only people that didn’t were seniors, but that was understandable. Seniors are always above everyone.

Someone bumped into him. That “someone” was vaguely familiar, but that didn’t matter. “Dude, what’s your problem?”

He backed up and Jake could see him more clearly. He was _a lot_ shorter than expected. Jake was also a lot taller than a lot of people. Talking to this guy would hurt his neck, and vice versa.

“Sorry, man,” he said. “But these halls are bullshit, what with fifety kids per squart foot. No hard feelings?”

Jake thought about it. He held out his hand. “No hard feelings. I’m Jake Dillinger.”

The guy hesitated before grabbing Jake’s hand. By the way, his hand was _extremely_ small compared to Jake’s.  

“Richard Goranski,” he said. After a moment, “But call me Rich.”

“Sure thing, Rich.” Jake let go of Rich’s hand. The sudden loss of contact left his hands cold. But if he held them any longer, that would be pretty gay. And Jake was definitely, totally, absolutely straight. I mean, he even dated a girl last year!

Rich took out a piece of paper. “What class you have first?”

Jake took his own schedule out of his pocket. “Algebra 2 Honors.”

Rich smiled, and a small tooth gap showed. He immediately changed the smile to a close-lipped one. “Holy shit, dude. Me too!.”

“Coolio. Anyway, I’ve got to go to homeroom. Room 514.”

He started walking away when Rich followed him. “That’s my homeroom, too.”

Jake smiled. Rich seemed like a lot of fun.

**_Third quarter of sophomore year-after school_ **

As Jake left the chess club, he saw Rich throwing a baseball against the wall, muttering to himself. He sniffed as he caught the ball again. Jake jogged over to him.

“Yo, whats up,” Jake said. That sounded really stupid and uncaring, but whatever. “I thought you didn’t do any extracurriculars?”

Rich looked up. His eyes were very, very, very, very, _very_ slightly red. But Jake learned a lot about colors from the art club and could tell that that was not the usual white of an eye.

“It’s nothing,” Rich replies. After a moment of silence, “Can I sleep over? My dad’s is… he’s out of town. It gets lonely, just me and my siblings.”

Jake leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes and thought about it. His parents wouldn’t be home for another two weeks and it wasn’t like they would care anyway. 

“Sure, homeslice,” he answered. “And your siblings can come over, too.”

He heard a gasp and he reopened his eyes. Rich was looking up at him with shock.

“Really, man?”

“Of course.”

Rich smiled the close-lipped smile Jake was used to and took out his normie iPhone. Jake snorted and Rich looked up at him again.

“The fuck?”

Jake smiled. “I just called you a normie for having an iPhone in my head. You know, because Samsung is much more superior.” 

Rich rolled his eyes playfully. He turned back to his phone.

“And they’re coming over. Thanks again.”

“No problem.”

The two walked out the school together. They told jokes and stories. Jake couldn’t help but feel that this was way better than whatever he currently had with Chloe.

**_Fourth week of junior year-first day of play rehearsal_ **

The real reason Jake signed up for the play was because the girl who died (not literally) was apparently signing up, too. The second reason was because Rich had mentioned that he liked what the play was supposedly about. Not that he would ever tell that to anyone.

His best friend, Rich of course, was retelling the story of how he vandalized antisocial headphones and anxious cardiagan’s book bags. “You should’ve seen the look on their faces!”

“Man, I can imagine,” Jake said. They finally found the right door. Before he entered, Jake asked Rich a question.

“Why did you send up for the play?”

Rich stopped walking. He stared into space, which was something he had always done. Recently, though, he’s been doing it more and more. Finally, he answered.

“I felt like something important was going to happen.”

“Really, dude? You called anxious cardigan kid gay for signing up and then signed up yourself!”

Rich stared at the door, not making eye contact. “I-I don’t know.”

Jake crosses his arms. “Bullshit. You signed up for a reason. Look, I’ll tell you my reason. You know that girl who died in that play? She signed up, and I wanted a reason to talk to her.”

Of course, that was still only half the truth, but Jake didn’t outright lie. So it didn’t count. 

Rich mumbled something that Jake didn’t quite catch. He nudged his foot. Rich cleared his throat.

“I signed up because you signed up,” he said slightly louder. “You’re always doing some shit for the school and it gets boring.”

Their friends’ voices were getting louder behind them. Rich still wasn’t making eye contact. Jake sighed.

“To be honest,” he started. “I don’t really care. It’s just that anxious cardigan kid seemed to be in a really shitty mood after. It’s like. Hypocritical? I dunno.”

The sound of Chloe’s voice became increasingly distinct. Rich finally looked up at Jake. “Okay.”

That word hurt Jake. It sounded so hollow and sad. But it’s not like he could tell anyone. All that’ll bring is trouble. He just wished he could stop Rich from hurting.

**_October of junior year-Halloween night_ **

Quite possibly the shittiest Halloween ever. Chloe fucked Jeremy in his parents’ bed and Christine broke up with him. Not that they were officially dating or anything, but still.

And now Rich disappeared. It would make sense that he left, like a lot of people had. But he said he was going to sleep over. Shit. This was definitely _not good._.  

Something smelled...off. Jake made his way to the empty garage, because that was where the smell was strongest. He tried to open the door, but the metal knob was really, really, really, _really_ hot. He scrambled back to grab a towel, a pack of ice, _something._

Finally, he found a blanket and wrapped his right hand with it. He tried opening the door again. His hand wasn’t burned off. Stellar.

Until he saw what was in the garage. Rich was passed out in the middle of fire. A lot of fire. A lot, a lot. Jake unwrapped his hands and ran toward Rich, dodging the fires to the best of his ability.

_Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit._

Jake tentatively picked up Rich. His costume was starting to catch and Rich’s was already partially on fire. Jake softly slapped the fires with the blanket, hoping that’ll stop it.

_Pleasebeokaypleasebeokaypleasebeokay._  

The fire was spreading. Jake could hear people screaming and doors being slammed. That didn’t matter right now. Rich mattered.

Jake ran out the garage door carrying Rich. Luckily, the front door was left open. Jake rushed to it. He was almost there. Just a little further.

Someone slammed it shut. Jake couldn’t open it with Rich in his arms. He looked around. The only thing his drunken mind could think of was to go upstairs and jump out a window. So that’s what he did.

Jake was going up the stairs when Rich’s foot banged into the railing. Rich cried out, but he didn’t open his eyes.

_Notgoodnotgoodnotgood._

His parents room. The door was open and the window was broken open. Jake realized his fist had started bleeding again. That didn’t matter. He heard sirens. That didn’t matter. Rich’s breathing had gotten shakey.

That did matter. 

It was only the second story. Everything would be fine. It would be fine. They were going to be fine. Rich was going to be fine. 

Jake held Rich tightly and jumped out the window.

**_The beginning of December in junior year-the first visit_ **

Jake hasn’t seen Rich for almost a month. Between his house burning down, the ecstasy incident, and having two broken legs, there wasn’t any time. Antisocial headphones kid–Michael–had said that Rich said he wanted to see Jake.

It wasn’t an easy task. After being a dumbass and standing on his broken legs, he was put in a wheelchair. Michael took him from his room to Rich’s room. Michael left Jake right outside the door and Jake rolled himself inside.

Rich looked up. Or as much as he could. A full body cast. “Fuck, man.”

Rich furrowed his eyebrows. “There a problem?”

Jake shook his head. “No, no. It’s just. It’s my fault because I didn’t pay attention to you and then I jumped out the window and shit. Sorry.”

“That’s probably the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard,” Rich replied. “I would’ve died otherwise. And you wouldn’t have even needed to do that if I didn’t set a fucking fire.”

Jake rolled over to Rich’s side. Rich turned his head as much as he could.

“You good, man?” Jake asked. Rich scrunched up his nose.

“Nah, man. My nose is itchy as hell and I’m in a full body cast.”

“Cool?”

Rich bit his lip and the situation turned awkward. Which is weird. They’ve been best friends for almost two years. Nothing should be awkward. 

“So,” Jake said, trying to break the silence. 

“So,” Rich said back.

“So.”

“So.”

“So.”

“So.”

“Can you shut up,” someone yelled from the other side of the curtain. Rich laughed. He turned toward Jake.

“That’s Jeremy,” he said, still holding back a laugh. “He’s still pretty pissed at himself. Even though it’s all my fault.”

All laughter drained from Rich. He looked at some point in the ceiling. Staring into space. Jake didn’t stare into space. He stared at Rich.

“You have a lisp now,” Jake blurted out. Rich cringed. “Not that it’s bad or anything! I just didn’t know you had one.”

“Yeah.” Rich sighed. “Everything is just so _quiet_ now. You know I’ve had a voice in my head for almost two years? And now it’s just. Gone. And my lisp is back.”

Jake blinked a few million times. “A voice in your head? Have you been tripping on ecstasy for two years?”

Rich snorted, a sound that Jake has never heard before. “Oh my god, ecstasy? Didn't that Michael kid explain anything?” 

“No?”

“That motherfucker. It wasn’t ecstasy. It was like a supercomputer Tic-Tac that was supposed to make you chiller. Except it’s a piece of shit.” 

Jake nodded slowly. “So, I didn’t do drugs.”

Rich shook his head as most as he could. “Nah, man. I don’t think anyone would dare drugging both you and Chloe.”

“Good point.”

Another silence ensued. It wasn’t as awkward as the other two. Still awkward. Which Jake was not used to. He was Jake Dillinger. Everyone was convinced he injected confidence straight into his bloodstream.

Seemed he forgot his daily dose. 

Something was whispered that Jake could barely hear. “Come again?”

Rich turned red. “Uh, what? No, I was just saying thanks for coming. I was a shitty best friend. You’re a great best friend.”

Jake...was hurt. He didn’t know why. He should be happy. Rich was alive, didn’t hate him, and called him his best friend. What more can a guy ask for?

He shoved his feelings aside.

“No problem.”

**_Fourth quarter of junior year-sleepover_ **

Chloe had invited everyone to her house for a sleepover. It was pretty large. And her whole family was there to make sure there was no fire.

It was 2 a.m. and everyone was asleep. Except Jake. Jake was not going to fall asleep. He was sharing a bed with Rich and had some thinking to do.

_(“Let’s play truth or dare,” Christine has announced. Everyone agreed to this. “Who wants to go first?”_

_No one raised their hands. Finally, Michael raised his. “I volunteer Rich.”)_

How could something so seemingly innocent go so horribly wrong?

_(Rich started. “Uh, okay?”_

_Michael smiled deviously. “Truth or dare.”_

_Rich looked around. His eyes seemed to stay on Jake for longer than everyone else.)_

Just his imagination and hopeful thinking.

_(“Truth.”_

_“Do you have a crush?”_

_Rich looked down at his twiddling thumbs._

_“Do I have to answer?”)_

Please don’t.

_(Michael scoffed. “Of course you do!”_

_Rich turned red. “Yes, I have a crush on a guy.”)_

And that’s where it all fell apart.

_(Brooke sidled up next to Rich. “Who is this stud?”_

_Michael, Jeremy, Christine and Jenna started a chant._

_“Tell us, tell us, tell us…”_

_No one noticed Jake sitting there in shock. No one noticed when Jake’s eyes got wet for no reason._

_Jake got up and went to the bathroom.)_

How fucking mature.

_(“Jake?” Chloe yelled out. “Jake! What’s wrong?”_

_Jake didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Why was he so upset? There wasn’t an answer._  

_Could he…_

_Maybe…_

_Possibly…)_

Like Rich?

“Hmm?”

Jake started. _Fuckfuckfuckfuck_.

He turned around to see that Rich was also awake. Rich Goranski. His newly discovered crush. Who may have just heard Jake accidentally confess out loud.

“Did you say something,” he asked _._

_No._  

“Jake?”

_I didn’t say anything._

“Jake are you okay?”

_Of course._  

“Jake, you’re worrying me, man.”

_I_

“Answer me.”

_I can’t._

“Jake, please.”

_I’m sorry._

“Is there a problem?”

_I have a crush on you._

“Man…”

_And you like someone else._

“Oh my god, you’re crying. Shit, um, talk? Please?”

Jake whispered something. A very, very quiet whisper.

“I think I’ve liked you for two years.”

Rich was silent. He whispered something back.

“I think I have, too.”

At some point, Rich got really close to Jake’s face. Jake barely registered the wetness on his cheeks. The only thing that was worth noticing was the two inches they were apart and the breathing of the other.

“Kiss me?”

Rich laughed softly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was a lot longer than I meant it to be. But what can I say? I love these boys.


End file.
